Is no news good news??????

Finally, after a 14 week wait I get "the call" from Stanford Genetics
Dept. They have Brinleys results back from her Genestics testing. I've
been preparing myself for this phone call- What if they tell me
Brinley has one of these hearing loss syndromes that also takes her
vision? What would I do?nHow would I react? I just want answers as to
why this had to happen to MY Brinley.
Long story short......they found 2 rare genes in Brinleys testing
however at this time (coupled with current technology) there's no way
to connect her rare genes specifically to "hearing loss". So pretty
much they don't know why she's deaf. No idea if other future siblings
are at risk. No answers. Just a "let's do further testing in a year or
two".
I'm devastated.
I didn't think I'd take this so hard. There's tons of deaf people out
there that don't know the cause of their hearing loss. Why can't I be
ok with not knowing and just accepting this is how it was planned to
be? Do I have another child who is at risk for being deaf? Can I
handle another CI surgery? All the planning? All the fighting with the
insurance companies? All the trips for pre-ops and mapping? I'm not
going to lie...... It's exhausting. HOWEVER, and it's a big HOWEVER-
today I studied Brinley. As she laughed, and cried. As she rocked her
baby to sleep and played house. As she slid down the slide, and
attempted to read a book. As she followed Danicas lead and tried to do
Gymnastics, summersaults and all. Watching her in speech therapy
making progress or running to hug her sister when she's sad- Tonight
we dressed up as fairies and Daddy took the girls flying around the
house! So fun! When it was time for bed tonight Brinley grabbed my
face with both hands, planted the biggest kiss on me and then
proceeded to giggle and cover her mouth as if she was shy. She is such
a special and loving girl and that moment will stay with me for the
rest of my life. We are blessed with Brinley who has come into our
lives and in my opinion- made life worth living. Hell with results.
Live in today.